Inter and a Munich mauling that led to a one-man welcome home

DESOLATION ROAD

With the romantic underdog tale of a plucky autocratic nation state’s eye-wateringly expensive, relentless, often hilarious but ultimately successful pursuit of Bigger Cup glory after 14 years of trying being covered at great length elsewhere on Big Website, it behoves Football Daily – a publication more readily associated with abject failure – to sift through the wreckage of Inter’s dismal effort to give PSG anything resembling a game in Munich. A team that less than six weeks ago fancied their chances of winning a league, cup and Bigger Cup treble has just finished the season empty-handed and, while all available evidence suggests there is every chance they would have lost against the gegenpressing dervishes from Paris even if they’d given a good account of themselves, so dismal was the effort of Simone Inzaghi’s senior citizens that they found themselves on the wrong end of the biggest hiding ever meted out to any finalist in the competition’s history.

So much so, that the only person on the pitch who wasn’t wearing an Inter shirt to show them any mercy was the referee, who blew his final whistle bang on the 90-minute mark in order to end their humiliation at the earliest opportunity. “Tonight we were more tired than PSG,” sighed Inzaghi in the final’s aftermath. “We weren’t fresh on the second ball. We contested our league until last Friday, they won it with two months to spare. They have great quality, a great team. Technically they are stronger than us, we knew that, so we had to be more clever but we weren’t organised, and we deserved to lose. That’s the bottom line.”

While it was his clearly fatigued players who pulled off a passable imitation of rabbit-shaped training cones caught in very bright headlights on Saturday night, it is Inzaghi who has shipped most of the blame for the manner in which they had rings run around them. And though the Italian’s refusal to adapt his tactics or lineup to counter PSG’s almost psychotic approach to winning back possession is worthy of criticism, describing Inter’s performance as “a disgrace for Italian football”, as one writer in La Gazzetta dello Sport felt compelled to put it, might have been over egging the linguine carbonara just a tad.

Not everyone was as critical of Inter’s apologetic effort and upon their return to Milan Malpensa Airport, the club’s disappointed players received a boost in the form of a welcome committee comprised of one person. “I’m the only idiot here but they still deserve applause,” parped the solitary fan named Marco, according to the pink paper. Whether or not Inter’s exhausted and embarrassed players appreciated his effort is not known but at least for them, a gruelling season has finally reached its end. A long summer of rest and recuperation lies ahead, until their opening game of the Club World Cup kicks off in a little over a fortnight’s time.

QUOTE OF THE DAY

Everything came so quick. I was in year 10, playing League One. It was crazy. Very crazy” – Jordon Ibe, who is without a professional club, talks to Sam Dalling about overcoming tragedy, his turbulent time at Liverpool and how he wants to give his career one last push at the age of 29.

RECOMMENDED LISTENING

Join Max Rushden, Barry Glendenning and the rest of the Football Weekly pod squad as they chew over the Bigger Cup final and more.

FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS

Now that the football season is over following Qatar’s win in the Bigger Cup, or to use Rio Ferdinand’s words on co-commentary, ‘a win for football’ (or in everyone else’s words, ‘thank goodness Ferdinand is leaving TNT’), it’s time to check in on the development of Major League Soccerball. Ah, yes, still the same comedy-fest but with added playing out from the back …” – Noble Francis.

Congratulations to PSG. They really threw the kitchen cinque at Inter” – Peter Oh.

There is no truth to the rumours that PSG intend to play blindfolded in their Uefa Super Cup match. Nope” – Krishna Moorthy.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Peter Oh. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

NEWS, BITS AND BOBS

Sarina Wiegman has no knack concerns before England’s final Nations League group game against Spain. “Everyone is available and everyone can start,” trilled the Lionesses’ head coach.

Ange Postecoglou has implored Tottenham not to settle for their Bigger Vase success despite not knowing if he’ll still be flamin’ manager next season. “Think about what’s next, you know,” he told Australian TV, explaining the meaning behind his “season three” comment at the trophy parade. “Don’t settle for this. We’ve got a taste of it now. My players have got a taste for it. The club’s got a taste for it. Well, let’s make sure we’re back here again.”

What’s that coming over the hill, is it a monster, is it a monster? Yes, Oldham are back in the Football League after a 3-2 extra-time win over Southend in the National League playoff and manager Micky Mellon is dreaming big. “It’s a fantastic moment for us,” he cheered. “This club is a monster. We were under a lot of pressure because we have a great family that back us – we needed to go up. It’s massive, it’s monstrous to get us in [the league]. Everything changes now.”

Chelsea are this close to announcing the signing of Ipswich striker Liam Delap for £30m and they’re also weighing up a £50m bid for the Dortmund winger Jamie Gittens.

Brentford have reportedly agreed an £18m deal for Liverpool’s top, top backup keeper Caoimhin Kelleher. Meanwhile, Ajax have nabbed Arne Slot’s right-hand man, Johnny Heitinga, and installed him in the dugout at the Johan Cruyff Arena.

And Neymar was sent off for a hands-on approach to trying to score a goal for Santos in their 1-0 defeat by Botafogo in what may be his final game for the club. “I made a mistake, forgive me!” he wailed on some social media disgrace or other. “Today, if I hadn’t been sent off, I’m sure we would have gotten the three points. You can count these three points against me!”

IN AND OUT OF LOVE

22 January: “I think you always have your responsibilities and you are under contract. You have to be professional, you have obligations, not only towards [the club] as an organisation, you have an obligation towards your teammates and you don’t let your teammates down, never” – Plymouth Argyle boss Miron Muslic hits out at forward Morgan Whittaker, accusing him of not turning up on time before their 5-0 gubbing at home by Burnley, which the player denied before joining Middlesbrough.

1 May: “I have fallen in love with the football club from when I had my first experience of it all those months ago … [this shows] how much I care for Argyle and the Green Army, and how committed I am to the club and its future” – Muslic reaffirms his commitment to the club as they head for League One.

31 May: “Under his contract, a club wishing to speak with him needs Argyle’s prior permission. We were unwilling to give such permission, but Miron informed us that under no circumstances was he going to return to Plymouth. Thus, we reluctantly gave the necessary permission” – Muslic breaks things off to take over at Schalke.

STILL WANT MORE?

It would not be a Bigger Cup final without all your favourite Big Website writers bringing you reaction, analysis and commentary. Barney Ronay writes on Désiré Doué, a Neymar/Lamine Yamal hybrid to lead PSG’s coronation as kings of Europe and Viva Vitinha, the deep conductor who proved Lionel Messi wrong.

Jonathan Liew laments Inter’s two finals losses to state-owned investment funds while Nicky Bandini reports on the Italian press’s swift kicking of Simone Inzaghi. Nick Ames ponders whether the likes of Désiré Doué and Bradley Barcola could be lured away from Paris after winning the lot and David Hytner pens an ode to the genius that is Luis Enrique.

John Brewin’s Bigger Cup team of the season includes an array of PSG players and a marauding Gunner. And finally our picture desk put together a snazzy gallery of all the best photos from PSG’s triumph in Munich.

Quiz time? Quiz time! Test your knowledge of one-sided European Cup finals.

Brazil may have their first foreign coach in Carlo Ancelotti but he reconnects them to a tradition that made them five-time World Cup winners, writes Jonathan Wilson.

Goal Diggers FC’s tournament amid FA ban on trans women brings solidarity to community writes Suzanne Wrack.

Paul Mitchell’s exit as Newcastle’s sporting director leaves Eddie Howe in a position of strength, writes Louise Taylor.

Brighton may have secured a fifth-place WSL finish but Dario Vidosic exclusively reveals to Tom Garry that his side “want to challenge the establishment”.

Suzanne Wrack gets personal as she pours her emotions into what it was like watching Arsenal win the Champions League at a packed Estádio José Alvalade as a journalist and a fan.

And Ed Aarons takes you through 10 of the top talents that could be on the move this summer transfer window while the Rumour Mill returns with Will Unwin on the biggest transfer stories of the day including possible deals for Bruno Fernandes, Pedro Gonçalves and Florian Wirtz.

MEMORY LANE

January 2000: A rare shot of David Beckham before he got heavily into tattoos. The midfielder was taking a break on the Copacabana beach in Rio while Manchester United were in town for the Club World Cup.